starting

I think I have just realised I don't want to do what I have been studying so hard to do for 4 years.
It's not like I just woke up this way, but I have always thought to myself this isn't what I want but with my family pressure and the feeling like I "have no choice" overcomes me.
I don't know why but I have always felt like I can't go back,  it's too late and what I want to do doesn't coincide with my 5 year plan.
I know, I know I sound crazy considering I am all for positivity, I guess I am just in this mood today, which I am going to force myself to snap out of before I go to training for my new job, doing what I studied to do.

8 hours later...

sorry for the delay, I had to go to training and you know what? I actually came out of there about 30min ago and I am so happy I went.
i also re-read the first part that I had written at 8:15am and thought I'd just leave it in...
I have realised my moods change as quickly as the weather here...
and the funny thing is some days I am so sure of myself and who I want to be and other days I could just cry all day about how lost I am in thought and what I want to do.

when I read the top half again I am realising that I have totally over analysed, over thought and used way too much energy thinking about things that are not even happening yet.

If anything I learnt today... it's O.K.

I am doing what I need to do right now.

I don't even know why, how or even when I got so lost in this crazy thinking, that "where do you see yourself in the next 10years?" kind of mind-set

like it matters?

I think sometimes our thoughts and feelings are sometimes so disjointed from reality...

Is it crazy that I need a constant reminder?

B

V-day...

I think this is the one day where we are so overwhelmed with materials, the cards the roses the companies cashing in on a hallmark date in the calender.
No I am not against Valentine's day but I think we have lost the actual reason of it, it is the day of love, that doesn't mean purely couples in relationships (as we are taught to think of it) it is the ability to give love to everyone on this day, a smile, a hug or maybe just going that extra mile to make someone happy. There shouldn't be just one day where this is ok, it should be everyday. Making an effort to make people feel happy can make you a happy person too. Love is the positive energy you can give off and if you give love then you will receive it too, whether it is from that same person or not you will receive what you give back.
Whether you are in a relationship or not, don' feel the need to blow out this day to be the creme de la creme, where you invest such a huge effort for the most perfect day. Don't. just take it easy, enjoy each others company  whoever it may be with, money and material items can't mend a crappy relationship or the fact that you just are not happy.
Be happy, make it your mission to put a smile on someones face, you never know you could have even made their day and isn't that the greatest reward?

Love,
B

its all just...

I will not let your issues consumer me, I will not let your opinion overwhelm me, I will not live in sadness like you do, my happiness is the only thing i live for...B

night time

im in that "feel like doing something reckless" mood, 

do you guys ever get like that?

i have been floating in and out of these for the past few weeks,

some days it will last only a few hours some a few days,

dont know why but the unknown suddenly makes me curious,

maybe its just a phase,

maybe tomorrow i'll be over it...

sadness...

sometimes so sad but,

the world keeps turning...